My Story : Depression
In light of Mental Illness Awareness Week, I thought I'd take the opportunity to share my story. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a cause. Everyone is affected directly or indirectly by these stories and causes. So here's mine. Feel free to read if you'd like.
This week, I fly the proverbial green flag.
God healed me. He healed my mind. He healed my body. He healed my soul.
[ and YES, He used psychiatrists, psychologists and even medication to do it =) ]
Uncertain as to where to begin, I guess I'll start with this... I never had any education on mental illnesses, EVER. I didn't understand them. I thought they were rare. And I thought that depression meant someone was just really, really sad. I was not well-informed.
Then, I got postpartum depression, anxiety, OCD and psychosis after the birth of our first sweet little girl in January 2015... WHAT?!!! You? Lindsey? Yes, me. We all thought it was just the baby blues and lack of sleep, but there was something greater, something deeper. In short, I'll give you a little bullet point summary of my journey.
-started having suicidal thoughts
-hospitalized for 6 weeks [first 4 days in the literal "loony bin"... I have to laugh now ;)]
-saw a therapist after I got out of the hospital for 2 months
-took anti-depressants, anti-anxiety pills and sleeping pills for 10 months
I'm sparing details on purpose. You don't need to know everything right now. I guess I just feel that I need to share to help eliminate stigmas and taboos. I'm so thankful for my family and friends who have supported me through all this. I'm now 100% and thoroughly enjoying being a mommy to the sweetest little girl in all the land. [NOTE (Oct 22, 2016) : After the large response of notes, messages and emails I've received because of this blog post, I feel I need to clarify that I'm healed from the crisis situation I entered in January through March 2015. However, I believe my brain has become quite fragile as a result of the trauma. Thus, I still battle with depression and anxiety on a more daily basis, but it's at a level that's no longer harmful to my life - praise the Lord! I will be writing more and more of my story as time goes on, but I just really felt I needed to add this for any future readers.] And, a beautiful redeeming part of the story... I found a website called Postpartum Progress. I signed up to receive emails from other women who are going through postpartum mood disorders, and I can encourage them!
This site has truly been a gift from God.
If you've made it this far down, bravo! Thanks for sticking with me. To close, I know that one of God's names is "Jehovah Rapha" - The LORD heals (It's found in Exodus 15:26). He is my healer, and I thank Him for using family, friends, doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists and even medication to fix my broken brain.
I invite you to watch this 30-minute video below if you have a chance. You can watch it now or save it for later. It's a pastor sharing his experience with depression. It really helped me understand what I went through, and I share it with you to also understand what I went through...along with what so many others on this planet are battling daily.
That's all. I'm done. Thank you for reading. I pray you never have to experience depression or any other mental illness first hand. I kept saying while in the hospital that I would never wish it on my worst enemy... But if you do, there are so many resources. Get in touch with me. I'd love to help if I can.
We went through a lot, but I wouldn't have wanted to do it with anyone else. I'm so thankful for my amazing supportive and loving husband and our darling little princess.
...the Lord heals...
Love Linz